I Know Why My Mother...............

I Know why My Mother.........told me stories

My Mom, Maxine was her name- she could spin a story like no one other on Earth, I never questioned if her stories she told me were true or not, I just remembered that were very colorful, light hearted adventures, she told me of a dog she owned named Pal, she also told me about a raccoon she had and even a horse, all this she maintained was in New York's Central Park. I know I remember what she told me and I remember I liked hearing her tell me these stories, that was just my Mom; Maxine. It was sad for me thinking of her some days, for Maxine lived in the past a lot, but I suppose all of us do that at some point in our life.

I Know Why My Mother............ lingered in the past.

Maxine a box that always sat at the top of her closet, she called it a strong box. When I was little and knew my Mom was not around, I would drag that box down and look in it, as if these were my Mom's only treasures. She had a large stack of post cards that she kept rubber bound together,the cards were from all over the states, from overseas and they all started the same way, My Little Kitten.. they were short but very sweet, it was Maxine's father that was sending her these cards, I took it that he worked away from home. When I asked Maxine what her father (Lawerence Merriman ) did for a living, she was very proud to announce that he sold ladies laundrie and that he had a office out of Manhatten New York. I know this story to be true because there is a 1930 Cenus that I found on the Internet showing the Merriman's, their apt, Lawerence, Viola Marie and one 17 year old girl by the name of Maxine....... I never bothered to ask my Mom why she always spoke of her Dad and seldom of her Mom... I guess that is one story I will never know of.. and when I asked how Maxine's parents died, she would say her Mother had bad kidneys and her Dad died of a broken heart, I kept my opnions to myself when she told me this, I wish now I had pushed harder for answers.

　

I Know Why My Mother ........ Cried

I can still see my Mom sitting in the living room nightly, with a flannel shirt on, a huge ashstray beside her, staring off into the dimly lit room and smoke rising to her nose, she was forever french inhaling her cigs. She would get so dark during these moods and she was quite calm when she was in this state of mind. She would not talk to me when I passed by her in the room, but I could see her crying, and I know she was lonley, the kind of lonely that makes you want to put your arms around a persons neck and tell them that it is going to be alright. But it was not going to be alright for Maxine, for she was so sad, that kind of dark sadness a person has a hard time coming out of. I know too that she was in pain, I would see her rise from her chair, her feet would be twisted, her hands would swell and she was forever putting two fingers to her throat to check her pulse, she popped valium like candy and I know today it was because her body, her past and her life pained her so. Maxine was a great person to talked too, I can't recall a single thing that I could not be open with my Mom about, but she on the other hand was quiet, she did not see the need to share why she was in pain or how she got there, but I know her memories did not keep her warm at night, she was in agony.

　

I Know Why My Mother......... drank.

　

I could tell the mood or the setting of the house I grew up in when I came home from school, I would take the top off the garbage can and count the beer bottles, if there were only a few, then she would be okay, but if there were many bottles, I would refrain from entering the house, I would wait and come in the back door. Now you might think in reading this, that it was quite sad for a child to come home to this state of being, but trust me it was not. For as many dark days as my Mom had, Maxine made up for it with her sense of humor, the sound of her deep laugh that filled my room when she would come in to crack a joke and then laugh at what she just told me. There were summer afternoons when my Step Dad would be at work, so my Mom would take me to the A&W Root Beer stand, I would get a burger and coke, Maxine would order a tea to have with another smoke. Those are days I treasure, the days when school was out for the year and it would be just us talking about nothing but learning so much about each other before the car was put in reverse to head home.

　

I Know My Mother Loved me........ cause I was born out of wedlock and it was not easy in 1953 for a woman in her early 40s to decide to keep her baby that she had had by a married man. I use to have a picture of myself sitting in my Mom's lap, it was the only picture I had of us and I can still see Maxine's deep red shaded lips, oh how that woman loved her red lipstick and her hair cut short with bangs. I dont know if my Mom's passing was easy for her, I know she was always in limbo when it came to living, she yearned for something more and something better, she was a daydreamer, she was always thinking the grass was greener on the other side. I suppose she finally made it to the other side when she died that day in 1982, she died alone with none of her children being by her side, that will always haunt me I guess, but on the other hand, I know Maxine knew I loved her, I loved her for being crazy, for her out of no where laugh and most of all, because she kept me and I appriecate the values she gave me, good.. bad or indifferent, it was all she had to give and I am glad I was the recipient of her few treasures in life, she was my Mother and I have no problem in whispering on a summer day, Mom I love you.